where does happiness come from?

credit {here}

i, like many people, can confuse true happiness with that momentary contentment that arises from getting something, achieving something, or doing something.  that passing pleasure that arises from receiving the latest tech gadget, eating a particularly delicious treat, or hearing a compliment from someone you admire.  but things such as these, though pleasurable in their own right, are not true happiness - they are ephemeral joys.

so where the heck does real, true, authentic happiness come from then?  if it doesn't come from gifts, and dinners out, and holiday celebrations?  undeniable happiness comes from connecting with your inner bliss.  have you ever had a moment when you felt like everything in your body, mind and world were aligned in perfect harmony?  you may have felt physically lighter, like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders.  happiness felt effortless, and even though it was a somewhat ordinary day, everything you experienced in that moment felt truly extraordinary.  in that moment, however fleeting, you were tapping into your inner bliss.  that glowing wisdom and clarity that exists within us all.  that "knowing" that everything is and will be ok, even in your darkest moments. 

it's not always an easy thing to find.  so much of our lives are lived on auto-pilot - wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed, repeat.  but bliss doesn't require you to go elsewhere and escape your routine, it asks you to move inward.  and the more you work to align your body and breath to bring mindfulness into your life, the more inexplicably blissful moments you'll cultivate.  look around your world, don't be blind to it.  be kind to yourself.  and be grateful for all your blessings.  your bliss is here and now.

i want to share with you all a poignant poem my dad shared with me earlier this week.

love after love

the time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. eat.
you will love again the stranger who was your self.
give wine. give bread. give back your heart

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
sit. feast on your life.

by derek walcott

meditation prompt for your journal or cushion:

recall a time when you felt connected to your inner bliss.
what did it feel like?
what are some things in your life that offer you glimmers of your bliss?  (for me it's yoga and good conversations with my husband :)

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don't let nerves get the best of you!





butterflies in my stomach don't feel this innocent and beautiful.  credit {here}

yesterday, it was my turn to teach the free community at my yoga studio.  no big deal on a typical day.  but yesterday, i knew my teacher, an amazingly-skilled yogi, was attending.  as part of our yogadharma teacher training, she kindly offered to attend and evaluate a class taught by each student.  butterflies big-time.  it’s a funny thing about nerves.  you know they’re (to a large degree) unnecessary.  and when you reason your way through the situation that awaits and break it down, you realize that, in truth, there is very little (if anything) to be concerned about.  but often nerves still get the better of us.

and, the catch 22 is that when you’re nervous about doing well, you often hold yourself back from delivering your very best.  no good.  as a work-in-progress, i still definitely suffer from nerves from time-to-time, though way less than i used to.  i used to literally feel sick if i had to present a book report in front of the class.  ahh…4^th grade…  now, i feel comfortable leading my weekly yoga classes and enjoy sharing my teaching with others.  but yesterday, with the curveball of “being watched” (lol), my nerves were definitely making themselves known.

so, what can you do when your nerves are getting the best of you?  first and foremost breathe.  and then breathe some more.  i’m sure you’ve realized that when you’re feeling anxious, the breath gets shallow – take a moment to sit quietly and breathe deeply in and out through your nose.  focusing on the breath is the quickest and easiest way to quiet the mind – and your nerves – if only temporarily.  plus it’s very “yogi” thing to do : )

also, when i’m nervous about something, i often try to keep myself from thinking about it, which just makes the nerves worse.  instead, take a moment to visualize the room, the people present, and how you would like to look and feel.  don’t run from thinking about whatever is on your mind, move into it.  you might realize it’s not as scary as it seems!

next time you feel butterflies in your stomach and find yourself worrying about something that’s on the horizon, focus the mind with breath and visualization.  know that “this too, shall pass”.  and remember that often the most uncomfortable situations are the most rewarding, because they force us out of our comfort zones.

meditation prompt for your journal or cushion:

start with 10 deep breaths in and out through your nose.

when was the last time you felt truly nervous?
what did the experience feel like in your body?  (where was the energy located?)

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the ONLY diet you should go on

credit {here}

i am not a proponent of diets.  ‘nuff said.  but, with the risk of sounding contradictory, there is one diet that i think every single human on the planet could benefit from.  (drum roll please….)  the ‘diet’ of cutting out negative self-talk. 

listen to how you speak to yourself.  for most of us (for me, it was especially in my teen years), it’s often a steady barrage of negative thoughts and put-downs.  “ugh…you look soooo fat in that. / your hair is a frizzy mess today. / you think you can eat that?  it’s gonna go right to your stomach pooch!”  you women out there, can relate, i’m sure…which is kind of sad…

but that voice is not you– it’s talking “at you”, as if it’s a necessary commentator for your life.  for me, that voice is a mix of unreliable sources, like the media.  from reading magazines and watching tv, we learn that to be loved and adored, we have to be at least 5 foot 7 inches tall, 110 pounds, have gorgeous flowing locks and flawless skin.  i’m only 5 foot 5 – so according to this faulty belief system, i’m already failing!  that sucks!

purge yourself of your negative self-talk.  cut back on it as you would calories or carbs.  no amount of self-criticism will ever make you happier – has it worked yet?  so try something different.  if you see no results, and don’t feel any better, you can always go back to beating yourself up.

when a negative self-judgment pops into your head, notice it.  that’s the first step – just notice.  don’t judge because that’s a self-criticism, too!  (i know, it’s a tricky game to play, but it’s worth it!)  then just let it float away. 

if you’re feeling really bold, bring to mind something you like about yourself.  maybe your big beautiful eyes, your sense of humor, or your slender fingers that can play the piano (sort of).  even if it’s something small, it’s a start.  if you’re having a lot of trouble coming up with something, think back to compliments you’ve received from others – maybe you’re often acknowledged for your kindness, or your great smile, or your easy-going nature.  whatever it is, bring it to mind, and revel in the awesomeness that is you…even if it’s just for a few minutes.

for me, yoga has been key to eliminating my harsh self-talk.  yoga teaches you to accept all of your being - inside & out, mind, body and soul - just as it is now.  without forcing change, you're asked to become an observer of your body and mind, and then, from that place, you work to align the two with breath, movement and awareness.  pushing yourself to "change" with mean words and thoughts, only weakens you - you're pitting your mind against your body.  if you can, instead, work to combine the two, you have twice the power to affect positive change in yourself and your world.

as you crash diet your way out of negative self-talk, you may just notice that you feel a bit lighter in a way that has nothing to do with the number on the scale.

meditation prompt for your journal or cushion:
what are three things you like about your physical body?
what are three things you like about your personality?

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give yourself a break!

i don’t feel like doing anything.  the past week or so i’ve been suffering from a major lack of motivation.  my energy is waning, and i feel like i’m pushing myself to just get the bare minimum done, let alone all the other countless things that i could be working on.  my tendency when emotions like this crop up is to “power-through” to the best of my ability.  and when i inevitably crash, i beat myself up for not doing more…

credit {here}

instead of surrendering to and accepting the feeling, i continue to bump up against it and fight it.  pushing it away, only to have it bombard me again moments later.  that, in and of itself, is exhausting.  i must admit, i’m not new to this cycle of events – when i was younger and dissatisfied with the size and shape of my body, i would diet and force my body into a battle against itself.  instead of trying to work with my hunger, i fought it.  and fighting, especially when it’s with yourself, takes you in circles.

my mom says “if you want to keep on gettin’ what your gettin’, keep on doin’ what you’re doin’” – i.e. if i want this lack-of-motivation spell to end, i have to change the way in which i’m dealing with it.  easier said than done…

but let’s give it a go, anyway.  so, with that thought in mind, what could i do differently to change my current reality?  well, instead of pushing myself to my limits, i could honor the fact that i might need a break, and…take a break!  (a novel concept, i know.)  or, instead of continually thinking, “what’s wrong with me?  why don’t i want to do anything?  why do i feel like things are at a standstill?”, i could work to silence that inner critic with a deep breathing and mindfulness.  and perhaps, in the quiet, motivation or a new idea or peace of mind could creep in.  and honestly, just writing this post is making me feel better, so i guess just writing about it – and sharing my feelings with others – is helpful, too.

as a culture, we’ve been taught to fight against unpleasant emotion, because we are a nation of doers not experiencers.  instead of surrendering to the feeling, and letting it wash over us like a wave that will eventually ebb, we prepare for battle, thinking if we set up enough barricades we can stop the wave in its tracks…which never happens.   what if, instead of always doing more we felt more.  and instead of judging our emotions and feelings, we got curious about them and tried to look at them in a more objective way.  perhaps, we would discover that they are not something to be fought, but rather a lesson waiting to be embraced. 

i feel better already….

meditation prompt for your journal or cushion:

what emotion do you continually fight?
what would it be like to just sit with it, without pushing it away?

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