let go of labels

credit {here}

i am lazy…or at least i tell myself i am.  a lot.  why?  because somewhere between the ages of 5 and 15, having a penchant for hanging out instead of helping out, i developed this belief.  and, as with anything we believe to be true, the label stuck.  and now, at 26, i still feel like i’m “being lazy” if i don’t bust my butt 24/7.

despite the fact that i have a full-time writing job, teach yoga 3-4 times a week, write and manage my blog, attend yogadharma training 2 weekends per month and go to buddhism class once a week, i still call myself lazy.  after re-reading that list with objective eyes, it seems that more than anything, my schedule is a little crazy right now.  go figure…
so why do i still have that inner dialogue that says “you’re lazy for not doing the laundry today” or “typical cailen – didn’t devote enough time to her blog today”?  because the label of laziness has been part of my identity for so long.  for better or worse, it became part of who i am and how i perceive myself.  and, as you can see from the discrepancy between the label and my current reality, how we label ourselves is rarely an accurate reflection of who we truly are.
so, how are you labeling yourself?  ugly, fat, unlovable, stupid, bitchy, weak, lazy?  these labels cripple us and our potential. 
need an example?  i want to be an entrepreneur and ultimately work for myself.  all successful entrepreneurs are super hard-working.  i am lazy.  therefore, i will never be a successful entrepreneur.  
see how my label totally crapped on my dream?!  it took the wind right out of my sails and sapped my energy –and consequently makes me feel like acting lazy, thus perpetuating the vicious cycle!
but, since these labels are self-generated, they can also be self-destroyed.  the next time you hear one of your typical labels pop into your mind, call yourself out!  and notice where that label is coming from –most likely not from an authentic place connected with your deepest potential.  more likely, it’s shallow, superficial and only sticks around just because you let it.  so take your life back by redefining how you label yourself.   i’m not lazy.  i’m actually quite efficient with my time and am doing my very best.
meditation prompt for your journal or cushion:
what is one label i’m ready to let go of?
what positive label or thought can i replace it with?

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ok, it's time to get real

for a while now, i’ve been flirting with the idea of really fusing my love of yoga more completely with my concept of lifestyle design but didn’t know exactly how to approach it.  i guess i was hesitant to lay it all on the line and then get pigeon-holed into talking about the same stuff over and over. again  in need of some guidance, i reached out to anna, founder of curvy yoga with my question: how important is having a niche to define and build your brand?  to my delight, not only did she respond to my inquiry, but she also offered to talk over the phone to discuss it even further.

credit {here}


anna reassured me that having a niche – in her case, yoga for your body, no matter your size – only helps to expand your presence.  by creating a voice and defining your topic, you become the “expert”, and you can then draw from your experience to further connect with your audience – something i long to do on a grander scale.

with her advice to share more heart-to-hearts, i’ve decided to take the leap and commit to the idea that’s been haunting me (in a good way) for some time: to share my transformation – from a girl who hated her body to a young woman who not only loves but appreciates her being, inside and out (most of the time – we’re all a work-in-progress). 

afraid that things would get too serious and that i wouldn’t have the proper advice to offer, i’ve continually shied away from getting too deep on lifestyle maven.  but, the truth is, the stuff that i didn’t want to talk about is the very stuff that we, as women, need to hear, because when it comes to ourselves, we so easily forget to treat our bodies with kindness.  instead of trusting our bodies' innate wisdom, we ignore it, preferring to harp on the notion that they are too big, too small, not curvy enough or too flabby. somewhere along the line we’ve come to believe that berating and punishing ourselves with our thoughts, actions and with the way we treat food will accomplish something.  but we’re too smart to continue to believe that – we’ve been there and know deep down that hating ourselves will never bring about a truly positive change.  constrained by never-ending diets, general self-loathing or, in the most extreme situations, an eating or body-dysmorphic disorder, we make our lives small – not our bodies.  with the first-hand knowledge that these negative thoughts plague the minds of so many women, no matter their age or dress size, i feel i can no longer deny the need to share, encourage and support through the platform that i’ve developed – my blog.

growing up as a sometimes slightly-overweight, sometimes “normal” weight girl was rough – not because i was teased relentlessly (although i had my fair share of weight-related comments that stung), but because i tortured myself.  i was consumed by my weight and full-heartedly felt that if i could only weigh less, i would be infinitely happier.  somehow i believed that the smaller the size i wore, the more happiness i would be allotted.  but, in case you didn’t guess where this was headed, it doesn’t work like that.  true happiness has no correlation with the circumference of your waist, and no matter what size you are, you can still have “fat days”.

so, what gives?  if you hate yourself when you’re “fat”, and are still at war with your body after you’ve achieved a normal weight or are even thin, then happiness must come from somewhere else.  {light bulb moment.}  just when i had myself convinced that i would have to count calories and forever do exercises i hated just to maintain my weight, yoga came into my life.  i admit, i was initially drawn to the practice because it was a good workout – but it soon turned into something more.  something beautiful.  i found that through the yogic practice of linking movement with breath, i began to experience my body in a new way – caring more about how my body felt, and less about how it looked.  yoga puts you in touch with your intuition – that authentic voice that we override with diets and negative self-talk.  and, the more in-touch i got with my true self, the more i softened my tight grip on what i “should eat” or “shouldn’t eat” or “should do” or “shouldn’t do” in terms of exercise, and the more effortless maintaining my weight – and my happiness – became.

my yoga practice has enabled me to tap into my inner wisdom and consequently bring more mindfulness and awareness into my life as a whole.  when we are conscious of the subtle needs of our being, we are more able to fully embody our authentic selves and move away from our ego – that crazy voice that tells us that we’re fat, unworthy or unlovable.  and, we begin to cultivate a calm mind housed in a healthy body.

i invite you to join me on this journey of self-exploration. i know, without a doubt, that yoga and intuitive living can change your life and begin to release you from the negative thoughts, feelings and self-talk that continue to infiltrate your life.  i know this, because yoga has transformed my life for the better.

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om monday: our storyline

in yoga class today, we were encouraged to examine the storyline we craft for ourselves.  you know, the things you say, or think, about yourself.  i'm good at math.  i'm a horrible cook.  i have no patience.  i'm great at tree pose.  i suck at warrior 3. 

credit {here}

 we all craft storylines for ourselves, our lives and our futures.  but what if we stopped self-perpetuating the negative things we've "written" for ourselves?  what if, instead of saying, thinking, feeling that you'll never get a new (and better) job, you focus on the positive of your current position and then delve into what actionable steps you can take toward remedying the situation.  so you move from "victim of your storyline" to "crafter of your destiny".

credit {here}

negative thoughts, words and feelings breed more of the same.  if you're constantly going around focusing on how fat (you think) you are, you're only going to produce more negative thoughts and experiences.  drop your storyline that you're playing on repeat.  and take action.  be curious and approach the situation with fresh eyes...and you may see things clearly for the first time.

so mavens, what story are you ready to re-write?

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om monday: wise words

every month, the yoga studio i take classes at picks a living, modern master to study for the month.  in so doing, all the teachers select books to read quotes from, teach from and find inspiration in.  i love that they do this - i've learned so much and been so inspired by the "masters" they've covered.

they've highlighted individuals like mary oliver, the poet, and beryl bender birch, the founder of power yoga in the usa.  i love coming to class, sitting with my eyes closed and absorbing the wise words.

namaste studio @ the solebury club.  credit {here}

last month, they chose pema chodron, a buddhist monk, prolific author and enlightened guru.  her words are awe-inspiring.  and the simple truths she points out make you rethink how you look at the world & life's experiences.

so, without further ado...pema chodron...

"…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back.  they teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away.  they’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck.  this very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are."   

yoga @ the solebury club.  credit {here}

"the most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves."   

"welcome the present moment as if you had invited it.  it is all we ever have so we might as well work with it rather than struggling against it. we might as well make it our friend and teacher rather than our enemy."

so, mavens...what do you think of pema?

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