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i have to admit, i have a tendency to fall into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking from time to time. the idea that something either has to be executed perfectly or you might as not well try at all. does that ring any bells for you? if you, too, are one of the many who find themselves thinking this way - i ate one cookie, might as well have 5 more - you know, inherently, the problems that arise when you see things in your world as either black or white.
for me, an area where i have been experiencing all-or-nothing trip-ups lately is with my business - CALM yoga. i'm looking to build up my teaching experience, while also seeking to form a private client list. for whatever reason, i find that reaching out to and networking with potential clients is always at the end of my to-do -- and too often i find myself with little time to devote to it. and, then i catch myself thinking, "ugh, i only have 15 minutes -- that's not enough time to accomplish anything. might as well move it to tomorrow's to-do list". but, the thing is, if instead of stopping myself before i even begin, i could use those precious 15 minutes and put them to good use -- doing whatever i could to further and expand my business. and, over time, all those 15 minutes would add up to hours and hours of good work.
i wouldn't consider myself a negative person, but the thought process i just outlined is a totally "glass half empty" way of thinking. and that's not how i want to live my life. i want to see opportunities and possibilities everywhere i look, not obstacles and challenges. but, finding boundless good fortune in front of you starts with how you perceive your world on a day-to-day basis. so instead of seeing 15 minutes as not enough time, i need (and want) to see it as the perfect amount of time to make a difference -- even if it is small.
black and white living leaves no room for flexibility, growth or change. and it cuts possibilities off mid-sentence. if you want to see this way of thinking evaporate from your life, it must start with mindfulness. notice the internal dialogue you're playing in your head. if you have a propensity to lean in the all-or-nothing direction, allow some logic to seep into the equation - isn't 15 minutes of working on your passion, exercising, meditating, or whatever it is for you better than 0 minutes? i think so.
meditation for your journal or cushion:
where in your life do you notice all-or-nothing thought patterns?
what is a way you can handle it differently next time you find yourself thinking that way?
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in last week's post, i talked about how things can spiral out of control (or at least feel as if they are) when we let negative emotions get the better of us. negative thoughts breed more of the same, so it's easy to find yourself stuck in a rut.
it's funny how when we're stressed, or frustrated, or angry, we often let other aspects of our life - not just our emotions - get out of whack too. we don't eat as well, we skip going to yoga class, and we toss and turn all night running through our to-do list or replaying events from the day. sound familiar?
to bring balance back to your life, sometimes working from the outside-in is the best approach. instead of getting down on yourself for feeling blue, take better care of yourself. be gentle and kind. as if you're your own best friend.
start your day with a few moments of quiet, whether you're lying in bed or seated. take some deep breaths, and feel how the breath begins to settle - and balance - the body. then, feed yourself a balanced breakfast like overnight oats or a scrambled egg to get your body going. if your usual breakfast is sugary cereal, a bagel or donut, or nothing at all, feeding yourself a wholesome breakfast can be a real treat (in a different kind of way).
continue to move purposefully throughout your day, with the intention not to rush. whatever you're working on or talking about - be there. give yourself the gift of presence. if you can, take the time to do something you love that may even feel a bit selfish - read your favorite magazine, go to that awesome yoga or pilates or zumba class that you haven't been to in months, or take a luxurious bubble bath. often when we feel off-balance, it's because too much of our energy is focused outward, and we get burnt out. instead, turn-in, and see if balance begins to find you. to complete your day, make a real dinner (no frozen lean cuisine, please), and sit at the table to enjoy it. i guarantee that after a day or two of what i've prescribed, you'll feel balanced, calm and at peace.
in yoga we talk about the balance of effort and ease. no pose should be all work, or all chillin' out. there should be a balance - an ebb and flow. life's like that too. you need the yin and the yang for the sense of balance to come. and, just to clarify, we're talking about "balance" in the fluid, breathing, moving sense - not in the static, holding sense of the word.
i know the tips i mentioned above may seem obvious, but the truth is, even through we all know to some degree what will bring us greater balance and peace, so often we still don't do it. we all need a little reminder sometimes to take time for ourselves, feed our bodies well, and move them a little bit, too. simple practices such as these can really make a world of difference.
feeling more balanced yet?...
meditation for your journal or cushion:
what is something that you continue to do that you know takes you out of balance?
what is one thing you can do today that will bring you a sense of calm and balance?
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| when sh*t hits the fan. credit {here} |
the thing is that your reaction to life's events will affect experiences that come up for you later that day, that week or even that month or year. and, the more you dwell on the things you wish wouldn't be a part of your life, the more you attract them to yourself. ever notice that?
well the good news is that it's all within your power to change. instead of focusing on how "nothing's going your way", and getting peeved when the woman in line in front of you at CVS recruits the only cashier to help her print out photos, you can choose to breathe your way through it, let it go, and perhaps even bring a subtle smile to your face. ahhh...life... (easier said than done, i know.)
if you're having a rough week, and are rolling your eyes at what i just said about smiling and letting it go, just take a brief moment to consider your experience with this phenomenon. did you ever notice that when things are going to sh*t and you lose it, that generally more things tend to go to sh*t and you lose it even more? it's a self-perpetuating cycle. on the other hand, when you're feeling positive and happy, more positive, happy things come your way. hmmm.....
the truth is that like attracts like. if you're putting out crappy energy and negative thoughts, crappy, negative things will be more drawn to you. but, if you choose (yes, it is a choice) to look on the bright side, and let things roll off your back, less agitating events will come your way. and ultimately only good things will be drawn to you. very cool.
i'm not telling you to take my word for it. give it a try yourself. play with it. and let me know how it goes.
meditation for your journal or cushion:
when you're feeling particularly negative, do you notice that more negative things come your way?
when you're happy, do you notice that you attract more positive things?