Hi. I'm Cailen, and I’m a recovering perfectionist.
Recovering in the sense that it’s my still my default mode, but I’m shining consciousness on it, creating space around it, and loosening my perfectionist death-grip. (Ugh. If I could only be better at letting go! That's a perfectionist joke.)
Perfectionism is rigid. Hard. Cold. It feels like an ever-tightening grip. A breath held.
The opposite?
An exhale. Warmth. Softening. Flexibility. Support.
Ahhh...support.
Why does asking for the support we need feel so unnatural?
Maybe because we were told (by society, school, friends, family, whoever) to be well-rounded. To push through. To do it ourselves. To pay our dues. To figure it out. To check all the boxes...
You need to know how to boil an egg, do long division, change a tire.
You need to know how to conduct a sales call, run a launch, build a 6-figure empire in 6 months.
If not, you're behind. If not, you're failing.
We’ve been told that success is the result of hard work, dedication and a linear path. That asking for help is a sign of weakness. And that focusing purely on what we love -- our strengths -- and letting someone else handle the rest/help us/guide us/be with us is lazy.
I’m done with doing it all myself.
I’m done with pretending I can handle it all.
I’m done with trying to be/do everything.
Doing that was exhausting. Doing that was stripping away my innate power.
So what does that mean? What does my life need to become in order to pursue mastery instead of mediocrity?
It means focusing on what I’m really, really good at and what I really, really love. Those are the guideposts. Not metrics. Not data. Not someone else's advice.
It means being real. With you, with my family, with myself. And, handing-off the rest to people who can do it better. (If someone else can do it better, let them.)
It means allowing myself to be supported. Giving myself permission to outsource. Building a team.
Danielle LaPorte puts it this way, “What would your life be like if you only did what was easy?”
Not lazy easy where you cut corners and do things half-assed. Quality easy where you focus on your gifts, talents and strengths and seek the necessary support to make the rest of it happen.
Inviting support into your life is Quality easy with a capital Q.
If the idea of letting go. Of asking for help. Of getting the support you need feels like a foreign concept, I’m guessing it’s because YOU are the support for so many others.
How would it feel to allow the tides to turn? How would it feel to invite more comforting, luxurious, divine support into your life? And, what would it look like anyhow?
Support can come in all shapes and sizes. Start small if this feels new and unknown. Or go BIG because why not.
Listen to what your heart/intuition/inner guide is asking for. Acknowledge what you’re ready to let go of. I mean, like, look it right in the eyes.
Take the leap, and land in the soft, warm, welcoming arms of the support that you need.
You’re home.
To get things rolling. Here are a few ways support can come into your life...
Ask for it
Voice what you no longer need
Accept an offer
Share the responsibility
Team up
Say yes
Say no
Find a mentor
Unburden on a friend
Join a mastermind
Hire help
Turn to your inner guide
Outsource tasks
Ask for divine guidance
Exhale...again...and again
Fill in the blank with the first word that pops to mind.
Complete this sentence: Asking for help is a sign of ________________.
Ok, so what was the first word that came up for you?
Was it positive, or negative?
Was the word neutral or charged with emotion?
And, how does that statement make you feel?
For a long, looong time, I felt that asking for help was a sign of weakness. (Just for me, personally, not necessarily for other people.)
In truth, I admired successful business women who would delegate out tasks to their team, and yet I wouldn't even bring in someone to help me with the tasks that I haaated doing (like Facebook Ads).
For others, asking for help was dynamic, powerful, a strength -- for me it was laziness, ineptitude, weakness.
It always came back to the feeling that I should be able to handle/do/create/manage everything myself. And, it was exhausting.
I was a control freak. A perfectionist. And it was stifling my potential. (Ok, so I'm still sometimes those things, but I'm getting much better at handing off the tasks in my life and business that are better suited for someone else.)
You know how they say you keep learning the same lessons again and again until they sink in? Well, that is precisely what happened for me in the area of asking for help -- and it all started with the birth of my beautiful daughter, Leona, back in October 2014.
In this week's lesson, I share my own journey with asking for help and how you, too, can find more space and strength in your own life by asking for the help you desire.
I hope it's helpful! ::wink wink::
With love + admiration,
Is there something I can help you with?
Please know you can ALWAYS reach out to me. I'm here to help you find the clarity and support you need. Email me at hello {at} cailenascher {dot} com or book a complimentary Clarity Consultation here.
Have you heard of The Desire Map? I'm working my way through it right now and LOVING it. (I've been talking about it to everyone who will listen -- so, I guess now it's your turn :-)
It's a fantastic book (and workbook) by the soulful and brilliant Danielle LaPorte. In it, she teaches the importance of identifying our Core Desired Feelings, which are the underlying feelings that we seek out again and again in life, love and business.
They are the driving force (consciously or subconsciously) behind nearly all of what we do/think/say/want at any given moment.
So let's peel the layers back a little more...
Danielle explains that the reason we set goals for ourselves is for the feeling that we think we'll have when we reach them. We push, strive, and strain to attain our goal so that we can then feel capable, joyous, alive, expansive or whatever else it is that we're after.
The Desire Map turns traditional goal-setting on its ear. Instead of hoping the goal will deliver the feeling, Danielle says to let the feeling you want to feel give birth to the goal.
So, instead of setting rigid goals like get 2,000 email subscribers, make $75K in my business, land 4 speaking gigs, etc. etc. etc., she suggests setting "Goals with Soul". (I love that, don't you?!)
Here's what a few Goals with Soul could look like...
*Reach as many people as possible with my life-affirming, soul-stirring message.
*Start writing my book.
*Leave space in my life for inspiration, and ACT on it when it arrives!
Ahhh...don't they just feel better?!
Then, Danielle recommends that we seek out, on a daily basis, all the ways (small and big) that we can start feeling good right now. 'Cause isn't feeling good the point anyhow?!
Want to feel connected?
Maybe that means a lunch date with a friend you haven't seen in a while. Setting up a mastermind with fellow purpose-driven entrepreneurs (You can find them in our Facebook Group!). Or, sitting at the dinner table with your family instead of eating in front of the TV.
Want to feel radiant?
Maybe that means wearing red lipstick (like I'm doing right now!). Putting on a cute skirt and your favorite earrings, instead of wearing the usual yoga pants. Or indulging in a massage or mani-pedi.
Want to feel inspired?
Maybe that means reading The Desire Map! Brainstorming new offerings for your business. Or, going to a museum to be in the presence of beauty and creativity.
Instead of putting feeling good on hold for when the goal is reached, why not do something today, tomorrow, next week and next month that makes you feel good right now! Cool concept, right?!
I invite you to play with this concept. (That's what I've been doing, and it feels ahhh-mazing!) Instead of living and dying by your rigid, make-it-or-break-it goals, maybe seek to simply FEEL GOOD on a daily basis, and let your goals and intentions unfurl from there.
Just a thought. Hope it helps!
Because, more than anything, what I want for you is simply that you feel good each and every day.
Have you read (or are you reading) The Desire Map? Join the discussion in our Facebook Group with the hashtag #ClarityBookClub. We've been talking about this awesome book all month long, and I'd love to know what your Core Desired Feelings are!
Here are mine:
Alignment
ease
Inspired!
E x p a n s i v e
LOVE <3
Confession: “I had to move out of the house at the age of 18 and start supporting myself.” -Stacey Ferreira, bestselling author of 2 Billion Under 20 and co-founder of Forrge.
Stacey Ferreira is the co-founder of Forrge & the movement 2 Billion Under 20, which helps millennials set goals and achieve their dreams. She co-founded My Social Cloud (acquired by Reputation.com in 2013), is a 2015 Thiel Fellow, and she’s the co-author of the book 2 Billion Under 20: How Millennials are Breaking Down Age Barriers and Changing the World. AND...she's in her early 20s.
Stacey is a true entrepreneur. She has a passion for building businesses and a knack for identifying untapped markets and unmet needs. She's been on the entrepreneurial path since her teens and has had a number of BIG successes (and many lessons learned) along the way.
Stacey's Clarity Confession is inspiring, motivating and pretty darn incredible.
Watch Stacey's revealing Clarity Confession to learn…
Why un-balancing your life is sometimes necessary
How she sold her 1st company at 20
What made her move out of the house at 18 and start supporting herself
Her new business that is going to totally change the way people work
The best and worst things about being an entrepreneur
Watch Stacey's Clarity Confession now.
After you watch this month's Clarity Confession, Stacey and I want to hear from you!
Listen until the very end to hear how you can enter for a chance to win a copy of Stacey's bestselling book, 2 Billion Under 20. Visit the Facebook page to post your entry.
